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<title>"Legally, I Cannot Sell You A Crab if You Plan To Put It in A Wig and Reenact The Events Of Hamilton. Sorry Man" by Pepsi (Pepsiiii)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25873066">"Legally, I Cannot Sell You A Crab if You Plan To Put It in A Wig and Reenact The Events Of Hamilton. Sorry Man"</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pepsiiii/pseuds/Pepsi'>Pepsi (Pepsiiii)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>One offs [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, M/M, Pets</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:48:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,083</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25873066</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pepsiiii/pseuds/Pepsi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He didn’t want a dog.</p><p>Yuuki hated dogs. </p><p>He loved Kyoutani. He loved Yahaba. But he hated dogs.</p><p>OR; Kyoutani, Yahaba, and Shibayama are all dating and get a pet (among other things)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kyoutani Kentarou/Shibayama Yuuki/Yahaba Shigeru</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>One offs [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1936612</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>"Legally, I Cannot Sell You A Crab if You Plan To Put It in A Wig and Reenact The Events Of Hamilton. Sorry Man"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/vampcabinet/gifts">vampcabinet</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For a winner of my raffle!! enjoy babe!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>He didn’t want a dog.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yuuki hated dogs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He loved Kyoutani. He loved Yahaba. But he hated dogs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He loved when Kyoutani came to him and showed him pictures of dogs he found cute, he loved the way his eyes lit up and seemingly sparkled as he muttered on about the dog and whatever stupid outfit it was wearing or whatever mangy fur it had. He loved when Yahaba talked about the medical dogs in the hospital he was interning in. The way he got a soft smile talking about the patients and their annoying little helpers that at the very least was quiet and out of the way (unlike most dogs that aren’t working). He loves his boyfriends and more than that he loves their love for dogs. When they’re happy he’s happy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But god-fucking-damn, Yuuki hates dogs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>@</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kyoutani and Yahaba had this thing they did, it was hard to explain but Yuuki felt that (to truly understand his pain) he needed to try. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kyoutani and Yahaba, for all their strong sense of selves and coolness and utter badass energy (no different than that of the most powerful heroes of vigilantes in any box office American superhero film or maybe the common trope of the delinquents in a Japanese movie), were the biggest softies Yuuki ever had the pleasure of meeting. They love cute things, they love soft things, they love the cool feeling of early mornings before the sun was fully up; before the city was truly awake. They loved the feeling of holding a coffee cup (the handmade kind. Yuuki takes a poetry course every Monday, Tuesday, and Sunday. He loves making things for his boyfriends and they love receiving it. It’s a great little give and take, they have going for them. Kyoutani has a polka dot mug and Yahaba has a striped mug) after it's cooled down enough to actually hold. They loved opening the fridge and seeing the perfect food for dinner. They loved turning the vacuum on and never getting plastic stuck in the suction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(He knew all this because he loved his boyfriends and he watched his boyfriends and he knew his boyfriends and he was just fucking smart like that)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Anyway, they're softies. Yuuki loves them. He’s made that very clear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So it breaks his heart to stand in the pet store and explain to them the fact they can’t get a dog.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>@</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can’t get a dog.” Yuuki says as Kyoutani plays with some of the puppies in the petting pen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why the fuck not?” Kyoutani asks. There’s a dog on his head. Yuuki is pretty sure one of the puppies pissed on the floor. He thinks he’s gonna cry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t like… dogs.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Since when do you not like dogs?” Yahaba chimes in as he walks back over to them. He has a pound of dog food in the cart, some chew toys, a teal-colored collar, and a card that says “</span>
  <em>
    <span>congrats on the baby!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>But the front of the card had two people holding a dog. A dog.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never liked dogs.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No you like dogs.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course you like dogs. We all like dogs.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do not, nor have I ever, liked dogs.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kyoutani is holding a puppy in both hands now. The one on his head is sleeping.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck? Since when? What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The fuck did dogs to you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ah. There it is.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I like other animals!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shibayama. How are we going to get the puppy of our dreams if you don’t like dogs?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ah. Here we go.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You… don’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And now they’re both staring and they look a bit heartbroken but this is just so funny so Yuuki laughs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shibayama you fucker, why didn’t you tell us that </span>
  <em>
    <span>before</span>
  </em>
  <span> I got attached to Ranch Dressing?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just, I wanted you two to have fun!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shibayama they’re having a 70% off sale on all dog food bags over 2 pounds! That’s such a good deal! What the fuck!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Yuuki, he adores his boyfriend, but god this is funny. He’s laughing and he shouldn’t laugh but he’s totally laughing because they’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>upset and he doesn’t want them upset (of course) but honestly they’re just pouting. They’re grown men pouting in the middle of a pet store. One of which having over 100 dollars in pet supplies and the other wearing puppies like they’re the hottest accessory on the market. Kyoutani looks like he’s going to cry. Yuuki has never wanted to kiss him more (but he can’t with one of the dogs licking him or something nasty like that. At best Yuuki will smell like a dog for the next hour and that alone seems like hell). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get a cat!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh… I mean… cats are fine.” Yahaba mutters.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fucking no. So what are we going home empty-handed? Fuck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yuuki, ever the optimist, has a better idea.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>@</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They got a frog.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They named it Copacabana.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The frog blinks slowly, if ever, and stares at things constantly with little to no actual thought process obvious in its eyes. Yuuki adores Copacabana with his whole heart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They also got a bunny. They named her Banana. She liked fruit and wasn’t very smart but they all couldn’t look away from her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Woah holy shit”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Get the camera Yahaba! Quickly!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Banana was sitting and Copacabana was sitting on her head. Yuuki didn’t know how a frog got away with sitting on top of a bunny head, nor does he know if Banana knows what’s going on right now (she’s just chewing on a tomato slice they had put next to her) but they’re there and they’re perfect and Yuuki is </span>
  <em>
    <span>sooo </span>
  </em>
  <span>glad that mix and match pet sale was happening when they went in that day. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>@</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kentarou was making dinner (yes he cooks and it’s damn good because unlike everyone else in his house he’s actually responsible and believes in making good food) when Shibayama walked in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just got off work and he looks like hell (hell is hot, as they say). His hair is slicked back and looking a bit limp from the constant moving and back and forth of work. Kyoutani continues to cook looking away from his boyfriend, doing his best to pay attention to the boiling tomatoes (which truthfully isn’t hard at all. Shibayama is adorable and hot and beautiful or whatever the fuck, sure, but he was the guy Kyoutani has been seeing every day for like, 4 years now. Neither Yahaba or Shibayama made him dizzy and flustered at the mere thought anymore. They were that comfortable, that happy, that used to each other. But that isn’t to say that he wasn’t stupidly in love with both of them. Just the other day Yahaba came over to him and just grabbed his hand and said “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I love you” </span>
  </em>
  <span>out of fucking nowhere and Kyoutani, touched and soft as a fucking bruise, is still a little red. Tender moments kill him. He loves how sweet his boyfriends are).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shibayama hugs him from behind and kisses his neck. Kyoutani isn’t startled or even paying much attention but his skin is buzzing just a bit and maybe his heart is speeding a fraction but no one can tell and he doesn’t give a damn.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m home.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Welcome back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where’s Yahaba?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He went to take a nap. Fucking long day apparently.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shibayama hums and kisses Kyoutani on the neck some more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck off I’m cooking.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shibayama laughs and leaves one final peck on his cheek before walking off to go “say hi to the kids”. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So maybe his legs were a little weak. Maybe he was swooning a bit. Maybe the tomatoes were overcooked and boiling over a bit. Fucking sue him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>@</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shigeru comes into their bedroom and holds up a case of beer. The expensive kind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay I have big news! Guess!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kyoutani is pulling his hair back into a messy bun on the bed and Shibayama is reading </span>
  <em>
    <span>something something </span>
  </em>
  <span>“how to make smoothies with just your hands”. Banana is sitting on the bed between them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re pregnant?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want a fucking baby asshole.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I’m not pregnant.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shibayama taps his chin a bit. Kyoutani scratches his chest and speaks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Promotion?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh did you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Haha. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Damn. What the fuck is it then.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah tell us!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was at work and won a raffle! We get a 14,000 yen waffle maker and a 19,000 yen coffee machine!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For </span>
  <em>
    <span>free?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>100% free.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Holy shit.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Banana makes an excited sound (no different than a duck or something) and Shigeru crawls on the bed and hands out the cans. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We have a waffle maker now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Holy shit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ve made it boys.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shibayama chugs his beer and slams it down on the nightstand next to him (everyone assumes that sweet Shibayama was harmless and spineless or whatever else they had tacked onto him due to his more passive nature; in reality he was a sweet weirdo who could hold his liquor surprisingly well. He was kind and nice but also could and will ruin your day by beating you in a drinking contest or poker or maybe both. It was pretty hot all things considered).</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We have a </span>
  <em>
    <span>functioning </span>
  </em>
  <span>coffee machine!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is so fucking hot.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They could all agree there was something unbelievably sexy about working, moderately expensive kitchen appliances. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&amp;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sky was bright and blue, the sea was probably also blue and shining just as brightly as the previously mentioned sky (of which was bright and blue). </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shigeru doesn’t know how they got here but they were and it was wonderful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shibayama was resting on the beach chair, practically glowing in the summer sun. The sea breeze in his hair made him look more like some kind of sun-dried mermaid. Perfect and supernatural in his beauty. The drool on the side of his face, the bruise on his side from hitting the doorknob at a bad angle while trying to rush out of the house a few mornings ago, the faint freckles littering his skin (all from the sun shining down on them. It’s such a shiny day).</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kyoutani was in the water splashing around by himself looking as angry as ever but in a </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy </span>
  </em>
  <span>way. He was so happy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(Long held secret about Kyoutani— he fucking loves swimming. Maybe it’s the dog part of him talking, or maybe it’s the fact that being in water just feels damn good, but either way, he was an expert swimmer, and the only thing he loved more than swimming was building things. When he was a kid, firstborn actually, his mother threw him into a pool and waited to see if he would float. Miraculously, </span>
  <em>
    <span>he did</span>
  </em>
  <span>! From that day on he was inseparable from the water and did everything in his power to swim at least once or twice a month. At least. He says that the smell of chlorine in his nose, the feeling of water filling his ears, the silence underwater, the </span>
  <em>
    <span>taste </span>
  </em>
  <span>of pool water in his mouth, the wrinkly prune of his skin after a long swim… it was heaven. He loved it more than anything. He loved swimming. He insisted their apartment complex have a pool and everything. It was adorable)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His hair was down and matted to his neck haphazardly. He looked wonderful (well not really but Shigeru was in love and love made you think and say stupid things believe it or not. He said Kyoutani looked beautiful). His torso was littered with different scars from years of being a stupid teenage boy with little to no sense of self-preservation (wonderful look on him and made for some great stories). He probably smelt of seawater (he was in the ocean). </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shigeru was still checking out his boyfriend when his boyfriend spoke up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wanna eat crab raw.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck Shibayama?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s find one.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not eating one raw.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay then we’ll…. just take it home or something.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wanna eat crab.” Kyoutani adds as he walks over to the chairs and sits right in the sand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is wrong with you two?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We want crab.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Crab.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Crab.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now they’re chanting crab. Fuck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop chanting. We aren’t eating a live crab.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Boooooo!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can go out though. All the cooked crab you could want.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck were you going to eat live crab?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yay crab dinner! Yahaba I love you so much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you too…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What the fuck? What? What did I miss?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope this was okay, I literally never ever write these three and know nothing about them.</p><p>If you enjoyed go read my other fics :) comment your thoughts, praise me insistently, go on twitter and yell at me to be productive. It really means a lot when you do!</p><p>//Twt//@Burnttoastwbttr</p></blockquote></div></div>
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